LOS ANGELES

NIKKI MOSS

I write personal essays and cultural commentary on sex, dating, and starting over after 40. My work has appeared in Playgirl.

WRITING

Five men in a black-and-white paper collage with aubergine and sage accents

In the Works

Stop Trying to Decenter Men

What if the way to actually decenter men has less to do with discipline than desire?

Loose ink illustration of Dorothy in a white shirt nestled among the Scarecrow, Tin Man, and Cowardly Lion

In the Works

Dorothy Is a Poly Icon

Three lovable red flags, one epic journey, and a heroine who never mistakes companionship for possession.

Illustration of two figures in black mesh and leather beneath neon-lit gothic arches

Art by J. Anderson
Goth Prom, 2026

Playgirl · October 2026

The Power in Surrender

After nearly twenty years of marriage and a career built on being in control, I got collared for the first time at L.A.’s famous Bondage Ball, and discovered what surrender can give back when it’s freely chosen.

Read in Playgirl

A pale ink illustration of a woman kissing a departing man’s cheek as he carries his white sneakers

In the Works

He’s Sexier When He Doesn’t Spend the Night

One of the sexiest things a man can do is go home. On hobosexuals, domestic creep, and why intimacy shouldn’t confer squatter’s rights.

A black-and-white editorial collage of a tied blindfold, rising glove, two melting ice cubes, and torn-paper textures

In the Works

The Kink Workshop That Left Me Raw

Sensory deprivation, a professional dominatrix, and the crash.

Collage portrait of a woman assembled from colorful pieces, with one piece shifted out of place

In the Works

My Inner Voice Is No Longer Cruel. But It Still Negs Me.

Thanks to therapy and a few psychedelic trips, the voice in my head is no longer an asshole. Just unimpressed.

Editorial collage of Hollywood and Big Ben, with two telephone receivers connected by a steaming waveform

In the Works

My Own Voice Notes Brought My Libido Back

An erotic correspondence with a stranger in London woke up something I feared I’d lost.

Illustrated invitation for a lesbian orgy whose schedule ends with a midnight closing circle before any play begins

In the Works

The Lesbian Orgy That Never Happened

I host play parties now. They need sacred time for intentions and boundaries, but still enough time left to actually play. What went wrong at this one, and how to host your own.

Editorial collage of a calm woman framed by a broken lime halo, with question marks and peace symbols

In the Works

Cultivating Divine Nonchalance in Sex and Dating

I spent my first adult decades with a plan for everything, including love. Now I’m practicing something harder: releasing outcomes, including the one in bed.

ABOUT NIKKI

In my early 40s, I ended a nearly two-decade marriage, left the job I'd spent 15 years working toward, and came out as bisexual. When I started dating for the first time as a grown-up, I expected to feel lost. Instead, I felt awake.

These days, I’m sex-positive and ethically non-monogamous. I host play parties with heart, dance like a fool, and keep my tarot reader on speed dial.

Getting here took a decade of therapy, leaving my religion, unlearning its shame, and going no contact with the asshole who used to live in my head.

I miss some of the people I’ve lost along the way. But I’ve built a new community and grown closer to the handful of family members and old friends who love this version of me best.

These essays are about saying “fuck it” in midlife and crafting a life that’s distinctively mine. It’s not a glow-up. I’m making the glorious fumbles I missed in my 20s, with the lights on.

FOR EDITORS

I’m available for personal essays, cultural commentary, and service pieces. Current interests include sex, dating, kink, queerness, non-monogamy, belief, intimacy, identity, and life after leaving religion.

bynikkimoss@gmail.com

STAY CLOSE

Have a note for me? I’d love to hear from you.

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